~ THE TRUEST MOST AUTHENTIC ME ~
[wʌɪld ˈwʊmən] adjective
Within every woman, there lives a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, & ageless knowing. She is the Wild Woman, who represents the instinctual nature of women. But she is an endangered species.
(Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Author of Women Who Run With the Wolves)
THE LONG OF IT
I was broken. So broken in fact, that I didn't know who I was. From the outside my life was great, but every day was a charade, a farce. I was expected to be happy, so I was happy. I was expected to be cool, so I tried to be cool. I was expected to be easy-going, so I tried to be easygoing. But in reality, I was a hot mess. I was so completely and utterly lost. I felt like I had absolutely no purpose whatsoever. I didn't have the faintest idea of what I wanted to actually do with my life, so I just drifted along. I was riddled with guilt at having let my family and myself down. Honestly, I was just a ticking time-bomb of anxiety just waiting to explode. Add to this glorious concoction a serious addiction to cocaine and alcohol and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster.
I felt like the real me was locked inside, at least I hoped she was, pushed down so far that I didn't really know, but out of fear I tried to keep her there, pushing her deeper and deeper. However, as it often does, the real me, the truest me, a wild woman who knew her own power was having none of it, and she decided to push back. She fought her way to the surface and no matter how many bottles of wine or bags of cocaine I consumed I couldn't seem to nullify the feeling that I wasn't being who, I was supposed to be.
Gradually the battle within became too much to handle, the wild woman had won, and I chose to let her. I let down all of my barriers and allowed her to guide me on my journey. What an amazing journey of self-discovery it was too and continues to be. It was better than any high that I had ever felt and I became fully addicted to this me, to MY LIFE!
Now, rest assured, it was not always easy, some times were harder than others, it was emotional as hell, and it certainly didn't happen overnight. Day after day it became slightly easier. Until, one morning, I looked in the mirror and was actually proud of who I saw. Yep, you heard me - PROUD. I loved myself, I loved who I had become, what I had allowed to rise to the surface instead of hiding it, as I had done for years. I was the truest most authentic version of myself. I was, a wild woman.
Don't get me wrong, I still have days where the fear bubbles up and the anxiety runs rampant through my mind, but they are few and far between, and, as strange as this might sound I now take pleasure in these feelings. I allow them to show up, I embrace them and remind myself that they are not as toxic as I once thought. I can now recognise what these feelings are telling me. I thank them and I move on, and every day I feel more invigorated than the day before.
Today, I share my story, my knowledge and my experiences with other men, women, and young adults helping them discover the truest versions of themselves.
THE SHORT OF IT
What is your greatest fear?
~ To Proust's questionnaire
Living a life that has no purpose and finishing my life without a legacy. - This is why I do what I do and say what I say and consistently stay true to myself and my mission.
Which living person(s) do you most admire?
Stevie Nicks for overcoming her addictions but still being able to party like a rockstar and be cool as hell. Oprah Winfrey for surviving the absolute worst but coming out on top despite it all and then using her power platform to do good and help others. Nicole Richie for flipping her life, style and image on its ass and becoming one of the greatest most balanced role models for women I have ever seen. - In my mind, these are wild women who show as their most authentic selves sticking two fingers to anyone that tells them they cannot be who or what they want to be.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Me time. Complete and utter alone time. This is when I can truly converse with myself, recharge my energy (cause, although I love it, helping others often drains the batteries) and reflect on my goals.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Confidence in their truest self, acknowledgement of their worth, and unequivocal honesty.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Yaaaaassssssss!! *clicks fingers of approval multiple times*
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My family, my partner and my work - I could not live without any of these. My triangle of life supports, loves and nourishes me mentally, physically and soulfully.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Sobriety! - Without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done, but equally the absolute BEST thing I have ever done. Now, the only thing I am addicted to is LIFE!
Where would you most like to live?
Devon and Ibiza with a little pied à terre in London #lifegoals - I’m almost there, but I’ll keep you updated.
Who is your hero of fiction?
Lagertha (from Vikings) - I mean, talk about a wild woman that knows her worth. Phoarrrr!
What is your greatest regret?
I wish I had chosen sobriety sooner, but each of us have a journey that we are on and I believe that every life event is there to teach us, guide us and improve us….so I don’t regret anything.
How would you like to die?
Knowing I have helped others…
What is your motto?
Confidence leads to greatness & It’s all relative!